The glorious full CD copy of Secret Handshake comes beautifully packaged with exciting artwork, including a full 16 page booklet of containing illustrations for each track on the album. The enhanced CD itself comes with all of the music (obviously), plus pop it in your computer to get a full album commentary, bonus podcast, video extras, songbook, and more! And did we mention it's beautiful? An excellent addition to your collection, and a must have for music connoisseurs and cool dudes.
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Pedantic Ballad chronicling a man's attempt to express his feelings to his beloved. He's no good with metaphor, but thats not what he met her for.
lyrics
Girl your eyes shine like the moon
Well like two moons specifically, positioned unnaturally close together, but without the
gravitational and tidal problems that would occur if this was not a simile.
And similarly your hair flows like a waterfall
Like a waterfall that’s made of hair, descending a cliff that looks just like your face.
She knows that I’m no good with metaphor, but that’s not what I met her for at all.
Girl your eyes are as deep as any ocean
E.g. the Atlantic, and I don’t want to be pedantic, but I can’t stop imagining the terrible problems that would occur if this was not a simile.
Similarly, your body’s like an hourglass
But that would be more accurate if you had been eating lots of sand.
She knows that I’m no good with metaphor, but that’s not what I met her for at all.
So I wish that I could write you poetry,
I wish that I could tell you you mean everything to me.
I’ve been trying for so long, but it always turns out wrong,
So I’ve made this not very poetic, but factually accurate song.
It’s an accurate song
It’s been proof-read, it’s an accurate song
Girl, you’re so intelligent, your mind is like a library
But without the oppressive noise restrictions or the complicated administrative procedures that would occur if your head was a library.
So liberally I’ll shower you in compliments
But cross-reference the facts for me to verify their accuracy.
She knows that I’m no good with metaphor, but that’s not what I met her for at all.
So I wish that I could write you poetry,
I wish that I could tell you you mean everything to me.
I’ve been trying for so long, but it always turns out wrong,
So I’ve made this not very poetic, but factually accurate song
I’ve taken views for and against
And peer-reviewed my evidence
And all that I can see is I was made for you
And you were made for me
credits
from Secret Handshake,
released January 25, 2012
Vocals by Dan P and Rich Green
Guitar, bass, drums, strings and keys by Rich Green
supported by 6 fans who also own “Factually Accurate Love Song”
Awesome track! I also love the "tribute" at the end to that old D&D audio, genius!
This is going to be the opener for the next session for my group. Landstrider
supported by 5 fans who also own “Factually Accurate Love Song”
Kyle has a gift for creating earworms—catchy tunes that you just cannot get out of your head until they've achieved their purpose. (Which is? That would be telling...) At the moment I'm particularly fond of "I Don't Know Why There's a Bug in Here," which I predict within five years will dominate campfires and school buses. Brother Osric
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
supported by 5 fans who also own “Factually Accurate Love Song”
Technically my favorite track is "You Don't Know Jack (Plan B)", because it's just a great reimagining (Some Jerk with a Camera is now officially a reimagineer).
But a lot of the album is good, and the "Luke Ski Phase 2" stuff is also good, but different. Erin A Cobb