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Teach Your Baby Bass Guitar

from Secret Handshake by Flat 29

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  • CD (Enhanced)
    Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

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about

A tiny baby is taught how to play the bass guitar immediately after being born. A proud mother looks on at her funkadelic offspring, and rejoices.

lyrics

Come on, one more push! Congratulations! It’s a boy!
Congratulations!
Excuse me, Sir, but this is for close family only.
Who’s that guy?

Well excuse me Miss, I’m sorry to interrupt the proceedings,
Hope me butting in don’t hurt your feelings.
Who are you?
But I was just sitting there totally bored,
Chilling out near the maternity ward,
‘Cause that’s where I like to hang in the evenings.
What are you doing here?
When I heard that music, coming from the delivery room
That funky music, coming straight out of your womb

You’re an intelligent lady, I know you are
You want your baby to go far,
Lady I can make that kid a star,
I’m gonna teach that baby bass guitar.
That baby that you just made,
Got the skills to go all the way,
You’lla given birth to a superstar,
When I teach that baby bass guitar

Right, get that man out of here! I’ve just given birth, I’m very emotional.

Now I realise that’s a lot to take in,
When you’ve literally just given birth to him,
But that’s ok; I don’t want to take him away,
Just want to sit that baby down and hear him play.
Start him off with roots and fifths,
When he’s a couple hours old, he’ll be playing the hits.
Walking bass before he starts walking,
And before he can clap, he’ll be playing slap,
Gonna put your baby on the map.
He’s gonna be a star when he’s had a little nap.
I know he’s got rhythm to kick a bass line,
Even though he’s currently covered in slime.
So clean him up a bit and put him in a suit,
To show he’s got style and it’ll look cute.
And give him a bass and he’ll rock the whole ward
So hurry up and cut the umbilical cord.

You don’t get to do that, put those scissors down!
Yeah, ok.

You’re an intelligent lady, I know you are
You want your baby to go far,
Lady I can make that kid a star,
I’m gonna teach that baby bass guitar.
That baby that you just made,
Got the skills to go all the way,
You’lla given birth to a superstar,
When I teach that baby bass guitar

Security! There’s a man here with a bass guitar, please escort him out.

Lady, I’m sorry to get up in your face,
All I really want to do is teach your kid bass.
I know it might seem a bit inopportune
But if your son’s gonna be a bass player, we got no time to lose.
‘Cause these first few days are so important to his development,
It’s the perfect time to make him take up an instrument.
Is he going to play the oboe? No.
Or will be play the piano? No, I don’t think so.
We got no time to waste, just give that baby a bass.

Wait, I think he’s trying to say something.
Actually, I think he’s trying to play something.
That’s amazing!
Wow!
How is he doing this?
I’ve never seen anything like that.
Wow!
Well, that’s… wow.
He’s a genius!
That’s fantastic!
That’s funky!
Well slap me on the arse and make me cry!
That’s amazing!

You’re an intelligent lady, I know you are
You want your baby to go far,
Lady I can make that kid a star,
I’m wanna teach that baby bass guitar.
That baby that you just made,
Got the skills to go all the way,
You’lla given birth to a superstar,
I wanna teach that baby bass guitar
You’re an intelligent lady, I know you are
You want your baby to go far,
Lady I can make that kid a star,
I’m wanna teach that baby bass guitar.
That baby that you just made,
Got the skills to go all the way,
You’lla given birth to a superstar,
I wanna teach that baby bass guitar

Congratulations, your new-born son is an accomplished bass player! He’s already at Level 42 at slapping and popping.
Sir, I don’t know who you are, but thank you!
Doctor, we’ve got another baby coming in Ward 29
Sounds like I’m needed elsewhere, I’ll see you later.
Wow, What a guy

credits

from Secret Handshake, released January 25, 2012
Vocals by Dan P
Additional vocals by Charlie Mosesson (Doctor), Emily Davis (Mother), Sara Davis (Nurse), and Rohan Parry (Baby)
Bass by Rob Parry
All other instrumentation by Dan P

Written and produced by Dan P

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