1. |
Can I Come In?
00:45
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2. |
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I Love You
I Like You
I Hate You
I Want You
Flat 29, it smells like shit
The bin's overflowing and the living room's a tip
Grease and mould and general scum
We needed a cleaner so we called Dan's mum
She's a criminal!
..when it comes to cleaning
Not even Mr Muscle got the surfaces gleaming
It was clean for about 2 days
But then we all got takeaways!
The hoover's shit, the cooker is a cunt
It annoys me as much as James Blunt
I cooked waffles on medium heat
They tasted really nice, but it took a fucking week
The TV only works when you're looking away
And the heating goes bezerk in the month of May
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
I'm at serious risk
From all sorts of tropical diseases
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
Flat 29, the furniture's wank
The water is irratic, we haven't got a tank
The light in the kitchen hasn't worked for ages
And the housing association involved haven't been at all helpful.
Its criminal!
We're living on the edge
We ignore the quota of 5 daily fruit and veg
The fridge temperature leaves a lot to be desired
And the guy who showed us round this flat should definitely be fired
When I first saw the flat it was a dream come true
But the building work is shoddy, they probably used glue
From a Pritt Stick, or maybe P.V.A.
The rate this place is going it'll fall down one day
And don't get me started on the washing facilities
I scowered the globe for enough 20ps!
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
I'm at serious risk
From all sorts of tropical diseases
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
Dear Flat 29,
It has been brought to my attention that your kitchen is in a deplorable state, and constitutes a health hazzard. If you fail to clean the kitchen we will have no option but to instruct industrial cleaners to enter the building and destroy you..
(But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!)
Should this service be required, you will all incur a charge. This charge will be deducted from your security deposit.
By the way, it is illegal to watch television in Flat 29.
Yours sincerely, Tupac Amaru Shakur
(But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!)
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
I'm at serious risk
From all sorts of tropical diseases
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
I'm at serious risk
From all sorts of tropical diseases
I think that I am scarred for life
'cos I live in Flat 29
But I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be
'cos Flat 29 is the flat for me!
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3. |
Dorchester Lullaby
02:08
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My mother reckon's I've got potential
Gonna show Simon Cowell my credentials
I could have been on X-Factor
But they didn't come to Dorchester
Oh well
Thought that I should record a demo
So I got myself a sound engineer
I didn't like the guitar's tone
And I couldn't keep up with the metronome
Oh well
My first album was a hit
My second album was a flop
But hey, that's pop
I got spotted by a record label
Because they really liked my banging tunes
I got an advance of 30 quid
But in 2 days I had spent it
Oh well
Well fame has become second nature
I got asked to go on T4
I played a song for Vernon Kaye
But he didn't like it so I ran away
Oh well
My first album was a hit
My second album was a flop
But hey, that's pop
I got so attached to fame and fortune
That I forgot about my dear old mum
I just got so carried away
That I missed the day she passed away
Oh well
Oh well
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4. |
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There's a bag, on the line
Over there, I don't care
It's not mine
But it's there, all the time
How did it get
Stuck up there?
Noone knows and noone cares
But it's there, all the time
And it flutters in the breeze
It's distressing me
I hope its biodegradable
It's stuck up on that cable it's a bag (it's a bag)
it's a bag (it's a bag)
There's a bird, in the bag
On the line
Gotta laugh, gotta cry
'cos the bird's, gonna die
'cos the bird's in distress
Got itself in a mess
I will watch, as it dies
Wipe those tears from my eyes
And it flutters in the breeze
It's distressing me
I hope its biodegradable
It's stuck up on that cable it's a bag (it's a bag)
it's a bag (it's a bag)
I hope its biodegradable
It's stuck up on that cable it's a bag (it's a bag)
it's a bag (it's a bag)
And it flutters in the breeze
It's distressing me
I hope its biodegradable
It's stuck up on that cable it's a bag (it's a bag)
it's a bag (it's a bag)
I hope its biodegradable
It's stuck up on that cable it's a bag (it's a bag)
it's a bag (it's a bag)
(repeat to fade)
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5. |
Shiny, Shiny Snow
03:35
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We are the boys from Flat 29
And it's getting kind close to Christmas time
We gather up the snowflakes to make some balls
We'll probably get frostbite but we don't care at all
So we mingle round the fire to toast our nuts
Better get marshmallows in before Echo* shuts
We pray to Santa that nothing goes wrong
And we celebrate the season with a holiday song, it goes
It's Christmas time, we all feel fine
And we know everything's groovy
It's Christmas time in Flat 29
It's Christmas time, in Flat 29
It's Christmas time, in Flat 29
So we open up our presents, and what a surprise
All we've ever wanted there before our eyes
Charlie got a puppy, he said "this is gay"**
I got a puppy last year had to throw it away
Dan he got a teatowel from Mr Scruff***
Rich he got a Quail's egg, he can't get enough****
Lisa got a garlic bread from Shiraz*****
And Bryan got a male stripper, he was glad, he sang
It's Christmas time, we all feel fine
And we know everything's groovy
It's Christmas time in Flat 29
We're feeling fine, let's drink mulled wine
We're feeling fine, in Flat 29
The night draws in, we look at the stars
We wonder if Rudolph comes from Mars
We ponder on the explanation
What's the secret of his aviation?
Maybe it's wings or a magic hat
I wish that I could fly like that
Soaring gently through the air
So much to see and do up there
Relieve myself on a fluffy white cloud
(Do it twice and make us proud!)
Maybe i'll make some yellow snow?
My chemistry's bad so I don't really know
Anyway, I'd better get back to the flat
I've gotta pull a cracker for my Christmas hat
Far off in the distance sleigh bells ring
We're Flat 29 and we do our thing
We sing
It's Christmas time, we all feel fine
And we know everything's groovy
It's Christmas time in Flat 29
All the presents are mine, in Flat 29
I'm gonna build a shrine, to Flat 29
It's Christmas time, we all feel fine
And we know everything's groovy
It's Christmas time in Flat 29
* "Echo" was a local newsagent
** Charlie got a puppy in the Christmas song from our first album. Also notable is semi-ironic use of the word "gay", which will ensure the song dates badly.
*** Dan did actually buy a tea towel from musician and tea aficionado Mr Scruff
**** Rich didn't buy a quails egg, this was his first suggestion for a present he could recieve
***** Shiraz was a local pizza place. See "Emergency on Percy Street" from our first album for reference.
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6. |
Vacuum Cleaner
00:44
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I can't believe it, its like a dream
Now I can keep my bedroom clean!
I can't believe it, its like a dream
Now I can keep my bedroom clean!
I can't believe it, its like a dream
Now I can keep my bedroom clean!
I can't believe it, its really swell
Now I can end my bedroom hell!
I can't believe it, its really ace
Now I can clean my living space
I can't believe it, its just the best!
Now my mum can have a rest
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7. |
Fire Alarm (Feat J.T.)
03:38
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How could this be happening to me?
I'm sitting on the sofa and I've got a cup of tea
The incessant beeping, it's getting really loud
I look out the window, oh god there's a crowd
Something must be happening they all look quite excited
But Darcy's woken from his coma, I'm not delighted! *
This better be important, there's programmes to be misssed
Unless this place is burning down I'm gonna be so pissed
I guess I'd better go outside and see whats going on
It was getting really boring till the firemen came along
They had a big red engine and a massive spouting hose
The sight of which inspired all the girls to drop their clothes
I don't know what it is about those funny little hats
All they seem to do is rescue fucking cats
They polish up their ladders and their fireman's pole
And rescue silly children who have fallen down a hole
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
But there's no smoke to make me cough
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
Won't someone turn it off?
So we stand around in crowds outside looking for someone to beat
And when we find him, we'll smash his face, and we'll kick him in the teeth
In case you're wondering who we've hit, I guess I'd better explain
It was the guy who said he started this, he'll shoulder all the blame
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
But there's no smoke to make me cough
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
Won't someone turn it off?
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
But there's no smoke to make me cough
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
Won't someone turn it off?
(J.T. Breakdown) **
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
But there's no smoke to make me cough
Oh shit it's the fire alarm
Won't someone turn it off?
(repeat to fade)
* A reference to popular australian soap "Neighbours"
** J.T. is regular Flat 29 collaborator Jenni Thornton. But in this case she is being a kind of Justin Timberlake character.
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8. |
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I like eating chemicals
They taste so good
I like eating chemicals
Like every young boy should
I put them on my cereal
I put them on my bread
If there were no chemicals
Well brother, I'd rather be dead
I put them on my Kit Kat
I put them on my Twix
I put them on my Yorkie
Wo-oah what a brilliant mix
They are so good for me
Despite the fact they lower my life expectancy
They are so tasty
Won't someone come and make me some chemical gra-a-vy
(gra-a-vy?)
Yeah!
I like eating chemicals
So does my mum
She likes eating chemicals
Because they keep her young
My friends they don't respect me
They really don't get it
They don't respect the fact that I like
To pump my body full of shit
Its really dragging me down
I used to be healthy, but now I'm a clown
All this extra weight
I'm never going to find myself, my perfect date
(Perfect date?)
Yeah!
I like eating chemicals
They fill my life with glee
I like eating chemicals
As they eat away at me
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9. |
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Milk and cheese, milk and cheese
They go together like you and me
You and me, you and me yeah
Just the other day I went to make a cup of tea
A very simple process, should be easy as can be
It was going fine, I put the kettle on
I was feeling pretty good, what could possibly go wrong?
But something unexpected was about to occur
I opened up the fridge and everything started to blur
Charlie! (What Dan?) You've gotta come and help
I've just looked in the fridge, and there's nothing on the shelves!
What, no butter, no cake or no eggs?
Worst of all there's no milk, i'm trying to make a beverage
Dan don't worry, we're going to have to hurry
But we can get to Tesco, get your shoes, let's go!
No there's no time, I think I'm going to cry
('till something at the back of the fridge caught his eye)
Hang on, what's this? A pot of cream cheese?
I wonder what would happen if I put this in my tea?
Dan, what are you doing? Thats going to be disgusting
No its fine Charlie, look its milk and cheese, just think about it milk and cheese - they're all dairy products
No that can't be right
Its just maths, its maths
Milk and cheese, milk and cheese
They go together like you and me
Milk and cheese, milk and cheese
They go together like you and me
Sandwiches are great, in all shapes and sizes
the variable fillings create fun surprises
But there are simple guidelines you have to adhere to
Like sweet and savory don't mix
But it's clear to me
That these regulations hamper creativity
Inevitably I'll be doing things quite differently
Just the other day, I found another way
To exploit the similarities between milk and cheese
So I put it on my bread
I'd just run out of salad so i used JAM instead
(That's crazy) but I'm too lazy to get to the shop
But hang on if you stop
And consider the science, there's ideas we can take
From the humble beverage known as the strawberry milkshake
You got your dairy product, and then you make it fruity
Check out my sandwich (wow, what a beauty)
Wow Dan, that's an excellent sandwich
Thanks conscience, but do you really think it was the right thing to do?
Just follow your heart Dan, you'll go far
Milk and cheese, milk and cheese
They go together like you and me
Milk and cheese, milk and cheese
They go together like you and me
I love my milk
I love my cheese
I just, I love everything that's creamy
I don't care, I don't care if its pasturised
If its semi skimmed
If its skimmed
I love my cheese
It's so creamy, it's so creamy
And so soft
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10. |
Soak it in Glitter
03:27
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Can you tell me, can you tell me
What the pop singers are doing?
They are shouting, they are shouting
So I will
Soak it in glitter!
Calm down guys, you've gone too far
There's children around and their lives will be scarred
Stop saying fuck, bugger and cunt
Try soaking it in glitter for once
Soak it in glitter x4
Please don't feel bitter
Just soak it in glitter
Yeah you know, glitter
From a shop
How would you like it?
How would you like it?
If i said that your mum
Was a cunt
How would you like it?
How would you like it?
If i said that your mum
Was a fucker
Soak it in glitter x4
Please don't feel bitter
Just soak it in glitter
Yeah you know, glitter
Art Attack, Neil Buchannon?
In some religions, swearing is frowned upon
Like killing a man with a knife or a gun
Calm it down, you're so obscene
How hard can it be to keep your mouth clean?
The kids are listening with their impressionable minds
If this language continues, I think that you'll find
They'll start saying fuck, bugger and cunt
Try soaking it in glitter for once
Soak it in glitter x4
Please don't feel bitter
Just soak it in glitter
Yeah you know, glitter
Gary? Pedophile?
And noone seems to understand
We've got the children's lives, right in our hands
I tried to convince them
God I tried, I tried
But all they could say, was this obscenity
So-Soak it in glitter x4
Please don't feel bitter bitter bitter
Just soak it in glitter glitter glitter
Just soak it in glitter
Just soak it in glitter
(Fucking Mark)
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11. |
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Something died inside of me
The moment you walked out that door
You said that it wasn't me
But I've heard it all before
You broke my heart into several pieces
It has no use anymore
But in the sky I see a dove of hope
So I turn around and pick my broken heart up off the floor.
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
Girl when you left, I couldn't take it anymore
Won't someone buy my broken heart
I just want to give it away
It's not an ipod
And the auction ends in 6 days
Check out my positive feedback rating
I think you'll find its water tight
I'll keep refreshing the page
Until someone takes my broken heart tonight
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
*Guitar solo*
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
I'm gonna sell it on ebay. Dot co, dot UK
(repeat to fade)
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