Cumstains On The Sheets: The Bedroom Sessions

by Flat 29

Cumstains On The Sheets: The Bedroom Sessions Cover Art
  00:00 / 00:00

  • Digital Album

    Immediate download of 16-track album in your choice of 320k mp3, FLAC, or just about any other format you could possibly desire.

    All money spent in the Flat 29 CD shop (aside from a few admin fees) goes directly to Flat 29, which they use to help support their music and their podcast. Perhaps one day they will even break even? You can help this dream become a reality!

    Buy Now  ₤4.50 GBP  or more

  • Share / Embed
1.
00:07
info
2.
02:58
lyrics
download
3.
02:06
lyrics
download
4.
00:12
info
5.
02:53
lyrics
download
6.
(free) 02:48
lyrics
download
7.
00:43
lyrics
8.
02:45
lyrics
download
9.
04:10
lyrics
download
10.
02:16
lyrics
download
11.
00:34
lyrics
download
12.
01:55
lyrics
download
13.
00:06
info
14.
02:36
lyrics
download
15.
01:23
lyrics
download
16.
(free) 03:52
lyrics
download

about

Flat 29's first album featured the original band lineup of Charlie, Dan, Tom and Nils (sadly without Rich at this stage).

Featuring a wide selection of songs, some silly, some more serious. This album contains the popular Neighbours song "A Perfect Blend", christmas classic "Flat 29 is for Life, Not Just for Christmas", and "The Soup Song".

credits

released 07 January 2005
All tracks written and performed by Charlie Mosesson, Dan P, Tom Yeates, and Nils Wingerei.

Also featuring:
Jenni Thornton (Vocals on 3)
Katie Miller (Vocals on 12)
Carla Shield (Vocals on 8)
Joey Heron (Vocals on 8)
Adam Miller (Drums on 14)

Produced and mixed by Dan P in LIPA studios and Flat 29. Mastered by Adam Miller.

tags

tags: comedy comedy comedy rap funny songs humour United Kingdom

license

feeds

Feeds for this album, this artist

contact / help

For help with downloads, click here.

For all other inquiries, click here.

Track Name: 2Turn
Don't know where I'm going
But I like not knowing
Where it all could turn out
One left one right turn
Which is the right turn?
Could turn your life around

So I should stop worrying
I made a choice, I know its the right one
From the facts surrounding me
From what I know I can see

Everyone who knows me
Can they see what I see
When there's something on my mind?
Can I tell them what I see
Will they tell everybody
When their moment comes to town?

So I should stop worrying
I made a choice, I know its the right one
From the facts surrounding me
From what I know I can see

Don't know where I'm going
But I like not knowing
Where it all could turn out
One left one right turn
Which is the right turn?
Could turn your life around

So I should stop worrying
I made a choice, I know its the right one
From the facts surrounding me
From what I know I can see

Everyone who knows me
Can they see what I see
When there's something on my mind?
Can I tell them what I see
Will they tell everybody
When their moment comes to town?

Stupid mistakes, once they're made
You can not change them x4

So let them all sink to the past
Track Name: The Soup Song
Hello, this song is about my soup
Er.. would you like a cup of tea?

Billy, eat your soup
It's good soup

Started off with spinach
Added some cream and milk
Green as a summer meadow
And texture soft like silk
Then came the butter
Some water and some eggs
Dan said to Nils
"Why not add some crabs legs?"

My soup is your soup
And everybody learn this song
My soup is your soup
And everybody sing along
My soup is your soup
And everybody learn this song
My soup is your soup
And everybody sing along

He left it on to boil
And man it stank real bad (real bad)
The kitchen was full of smoke
And Dan, yeah he was mad (I was mad)
Then on went the extractor
That bloody thing's a dud (it's shit)
So open went the windows
And we all went to the pub (Vodka!)

My soup is your soup
And everybody learn this song
My soup is your soup
And everybody sing along
My soup is your soup
And everybody learn this song
My soup is your soup
And everybody sing along

Everybody sing along

It's Nils' soup
It's Nils' soup
Its spinach
And spinach
We love our spinach
Track Name: Emergency on Percy Street
Oh shit my Shiraz!
I've dropped it, what am I going to do?
Ohh SHIT, SHIT, FUCK
I paid 3.90 for that
I'm so hungry, I wanted my pizza

Walking down the street one day
Something horrible came our way (ahh what is it?)
It was a sight terrible to behold
I've never seen a grown man cry
But that dropped pizza brought a tear to my eye

Someones dropped a Shiraz
Someones dropped a Shiraz
Someone they dropped a Shiraz in the road

Ants were crawling over it
And pigeons pecked the crust
Tom, he walked up to it, said
"Pick it up, we must!"
But we were unable to complete this task
So we all posed by it and we
Took a photograph

'cos someone dropped a Shiraz
Someone dropped a Shiraz
Someone they dropped a Shiraz in the road

Oh Shiraz, why would this happen to you?
Oh Shiraz, Percy street is covered in poo
Oh Shiraz, how could this happen to you?
Oh Shiraz, you know that we love you

So imagine the scene
We go about our daily routine
Walking Percy Street until we're greeted by a sight
Quite horrific
It's chilling to the very core
'cos there on the floor
Something we could not ignore
Covered in cheese, and looking so attractive
I needed to have it, but Charlie got proactive, he's like

Look guys, I think you're going mad
I know its been a while since you've had a good Shiraz
But you know this is neither the time nor the place
Even though this situation really is a disgrace
Just save your appetite, leave this for the birds to eat
Take a photograph then continue down Percy Street

This sounded sensible so we were on way
Despite this incident we felt that we would have a good day
And we still reached our destination in a flash
But not before we stopped and had a pizza at Shiraz

So if you want some late night food (some late night food)
You must be careful despite consuming booze (consuming booze)
It was awful, but witnessed by so few (so few)
You must be careful it never happens to you

'cos someone dropped a Shiraz
Someone dropped a Shiraz
Someone they dropped a Shiraz in the road
Track Name: Let's Get it On
I've been really tryin', baby
Tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long
And if you feel like I feel, baby
Then, c'mon, oh, c'mon
Let's get it on
Wooahwoah, let's get it on
Let's get it on
Let's get it on

We're all sensitive people
With so much to give
Understand me, sugar
Since we've to be
Lets say I love you
You know, I love you

There's nothing wrong with me
Oh, loving you
And giving yourself to me can never be wrong
If the love is true

Don't you know how sweet and wonderful life can be
I'm asking you baby to get it on with me
I ain't gonna worry
Oh, I ain't gonna push
So c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, baby
Stop beatin' 'round the bush

Let's get it on
Wooahwoah Let's get it on
Yeah yeah let's get it on
Let's get it on
Track Name: Touch It, It Feels Nice
It is far too big
Instead it is gripped between the legs
And its foreskin is stroked across the body
This is the sort played by drummer boys in the army

They player holds it in both hands
The left hand working the valves
And the right hand is wedged tightly into the back passage

It is about 30 inches long
And the skin can be tightened or slackened
By T screws and a metal rim around their circumference
This changes the pitch

I think this sound will surprise you from such a large horn

They can be played softly, like this.
Track Name: Flat 29 is for Life, Not Just for Christmas
Yoohoo, I say yohoo, homie?
Word up G
Word up homeboy. See i'm down with that. I am down with that
Oh yah yah yeah off the hook motherfucker
Okay then

We are the boys of Flat 29
And it's getting kind of close to Christmas time
We spend all day and most of the night
Getting so drunk we lose our sight
So it's beer goggles on, we always find a reason
To get a little tipsy in this holiday season
My name's Charlie
And my name's Dan
And we celebrate Christmas the best we can

Ding Dong it's Christmas Time x4

Wow, look at those icicles
Guys, let's go save Christmas

The snow is falling while we're all snoring
And Santa's on his way with his reindeer sleigh
We hope we get all the gifts we'd like
I want a puppy
And I want a bike!
Turkey's in the oven, we decorate the Flat
And I never leave my house without my Christmas Hat
Everybody come on, wave your hands in the air
We wish you merry Christmas and a happy new year!

It's a Christmas miracle

Ding Dong it's Christmas Time x4

Yes yes it's Christmas time x8

Wow homie, that was great
Thanks homie, big up to YOUR massive
Track Name: Captain Charlie and Dangerous Dan's Psychic Adventure in Mystery Land
Your eyes are hangin', your lips are dry,
And I don't have to wonder why..
I could say nothing, I could say some
I'd say a lot and more to come

And sometimes
It's not all bad what's going
Down the drain
Come take a walk with me
Out into the summer rain

I walk beside you, I'm kind of cold.
I really need, a hand to hold.
And I'm no joker I'll make no move
Not when I'm all outside of the groove

And sometimes
It's not all bad what's going
Down the drain
Come take a walk with me
Out into the summer rain

It's not all bad what's going
Down the drain
Come take a walk with me
Out into the summer rain
Track Name: Tesco Delivery Facility
Hey Dan
Hey Tom
How you doing Dan?
Es stupendo Tom
Groovy Dan!
What do you want Tom?
Well Dan, I just wanted to tell you a story
Ok Tom, so how does it begin?
Well Dan, like this

I saw you
From by bedroom window
And the light
(the light Tom? Yes the light Dan)
Illuminates your name
Blue and white
It all seems so simple
(yes it does)

I have known
(What did you know?)
For so long
(The reason why)
I love you so
The pace you come
Day and night
It all seems so simple

Until you were late
That summer eve

(Yeah!)
You left me beggin' (beggin)
Pleadin' on my knees (my knees)
Stress was unbearable
I couldn't even breathe
I told my friends (my friends)
They said ditch it (ditch it)
I said wait a second guys
I'll fix it

Tesco delivery facility
I love you so
Please take my virginity
Tesco delivery facility
I love you so
Please take my virginity
Please

Please
Please Tesco
Woah Tesco
Woah Tesco
Woah Tesco
Woah Tesco
Take my virginity
My virginity

I love you Tesco.
Track Name: Egg and Sausage Sandwiches
Wow Charlie, that smells great.. but what is it?
Well Dan, allow me to tell you

Oh egg and sausage sandwiches they taste so good to me
Egg and sausage sandwiches I'll have some for my tea
Egg and sausage sandwiches they taste so good to me
Egg and sausage sandwiches I'll have some for my tea

Thats right, its egg, and sausages, in a sandwich.

Oh.. Right.
Track Name: We've Witnessed The Fitness
We've witnessed the fitness, but now its too late
We were out drinking, missed the entry date
Now thats all behind us, we look back and laugh
We're not at all bitter, especially not to the bastard who won

I don't think I can take it, 'cos it took so long to make it
And I'll never get that demo in on time

Witness the fitness
The cruffiton liveth
One hope one quest
Witness the fitness
Our mix is not finished
We've lost this contest x2

Hahaha, you're just a bunch of amateurs

One day when we're older we'll look back and see
That this is just how things are meant to be
We planned to mix our demo and stick it in the post
But we were too busy eating cheese on toast

I don't think I can take it, 'cos it took so long to make it
And I'll never get that demo in on time

Witness the fitness
The cruffiton liveth
One hope one quest
Witness the fitness
Our mix is not finished
We've lost this contest x2
Track Name: First Date
First date, and I'm already late
Don't know where I'm gonna take her
But I know what I really should do
Place with music that we both like listening to

Pick her up
Make her walk
Shall we both get in a Taxi?
What are the words
I should say

An awkward silence

Woah, an awkward silence x4

She looked at me
I looked at her
Tried to start a conversation
Said the first thing that came to my head
Why's the supermarket run out of veg?

Woah, she thinks i'm boring
Why am I so boring? x2

Went to the bar
Bought a round
Then I find there are no seats left
So we stand
All the night
Suddenly out breaks a fight, yeah
Punches fly
Try to move
Out the way but she gets hit hard
Don't know
What to do
Called an ambulance and I went with her too

Woah, what a disaster
What a bloody disaster x2

It all ended
Like it should
Had a kiss and now we're married
We still look
Back and laugh
At all the things that we did in the past
Like our first date

Like our first date
Woah, like our first date x3
Track Name: Ode to Tom
Tom Yeates
He masturbates
With the aid of tubesock
He puts it on like a one fingered glove
On the end of his love pump

It was a beautiful day in Flat 29
And was getting kinda close to Christmas time
I crawled out of bed to make myself some food
My head was spinning and I still smelled of booze
Sat on my arse, turned on the megadrive
Glanced around and I couldn't believe my eyes
There was Tom Yeates, whacking away
I never thought I'd see the day
There he was, cock in his hand
Beating away like the drummer in a band
Face was flushed, eyes filled with concentration
He was the master of masturbation
Took some pointers, and now I see
This is just how things are meant to be
Don't be ashamed, just go with the flow
Wherever you are, whack it out and have a go

Tom Yeates
He masturbates
With the aid of a gherkin
He loves the feel of warm mayonnaise
All the way up his fudge tunnel.
Track Name: A Perfect Blend
Oh, yeah I love Neighbors

Well I wake up in the morning and there's one thing on my mind
My guilty little secret it takes up all of my time
Friends think i'm crazy, but what do they know?
All because i'm in love with a TV show

1:40 or 5:35
That is the question one needs to remind
The average neighbors viewer, who doesn't know his stuff
I sometimes watch it twice, 'cos I can't get enough

The storylines are awesome, and soon there'll be a foursome
Harold and Lou, with Lyn and Susan too
One time in my life that was pure bliss
It was watching Skye and Lana's first lesbian kiss

In class I get restless, my teacher's think I'm naughty
Don't realise that I've gotta be home by 1:40
If I was ever late, then I think I'd be in tears
'cos I haven't missed neighbors for 19 years!

Neighbors, everybody needs good neighbors
With a little understanding
You can find the perfect blend
That's when good neighbors become good friends.

My entire life is devoted to Neighbors
I want Harold to do me sexual favours
Tucked up in my bed I get to sleep real fast
'cos when I'm in my dreams I am a member of the cast

My weekend seems to go so slow
If it was a Monday I could watch my favourite show
When I was a kid my parents knew I'd go far
'cos my first words were "aaahhhhh"

When I was younger my birthday parties were the best
Because I made my friends and family come in fancy dress
I was Billy, my parents were Susan and Karl
I even dressed the dog up as their little bird Dahl
All the kids in school had to come to my place
Because my birthday cake was shaped like Lou's face
I blew out the candles, and made a wish
Wanna be reincarnated as Bob's water dish

I decided to start a religious cult
Not many people joined, but it wasn't my fault
We were too hardcore, some people couldn't hack it
Because we made tableaux of Max and Steph at it
Some people thought this was a step too far
I kept offerings by my bed in a jar
I burn incense daily as it makes me go to sleep
'cos when I close my eyes I'm back on Ramsay Street

When I was in school, my friends were never seen
'cos when I got home, I saw them on the screen
Lunchtimes were hell, I took a few knocks
But I didn't mind 'cos I had my Neighbors lunch box

When I look to the future I see it all so clear
I'll be in Lou's Place drinking Schooners of beer
Some people may say that my dreams are quite bizarre
But all I wanna be is a Neighbors superstar!

Neighbors, everybody needs good neighbors
With a little understanding
You can find the perfect blend
That's when good neighbors become good friends.

Everybody needs good neighbors...